Oro Oro? Oro!
by aku-chanandkie-san
Summary: A peaceful day in the dojo, all is normal (scrub scrub), until the laundry goddess bestows an unwanted wish on the rurouni! Now all he can say is "oro! How will he and the rest of the Kenshin-gumi retain their sanity? Ch 3 up!
1. Chapter 1

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Chapter 1: The Miracle is Bestowed

It was a happy cheerful day at the Kamiya Kasshin Dojo. Seriously, you could hear birds chirping and see bunnies hopping around (Aku-chan: -twitch twitch- -spaz spaz-). Yes, it was very cheerful, until…

"KENSHIN!!" yelled the voice of a ticked tanuki. Suddenly, the birds and bunnies were gone as an ominous shadow loomed in the yard.

"Yes, Kaoru-dono?" said a happy little oblivious rurouni. He was hunched over his favorite spot in the whole dojo: the laundry tub.

"_Kenshiiin_…." she said ominously, gripping her bokken tightly. He simply smiled his rurouni smile. Ah, the powers of that smile. The clouds broke suddenly and she smiled amiably. "Is my kimono ready yet?"

"Yes, the dry cleaning is finished," he smiled happily, holding up a freshly laundered kimono covered in a plastic bag.

"Thank you!" she said sweetly as she took the kimono, hopping away happily. Kenshin smiled again, and continued doing his favorite hobby.

"KENSHIN!" Now it was the voice of a hyperactive monkey.

"Ah, Yahiko," Kenshin beamed as the little midget walked up to him, his shinai strapped to his back as usual.

"Sensei," he suddenly bowed down in front of Kenshin, making Kenshin's eye's widen slightly in surprise. "Please, teach me the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu."

"Oro? Now now, Yahiko, we've talked about this before. Be strong in the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu," he lectured, wagging his finger.

"_PLEASE!!_ I'm so tired of getting hit on the head by that busu," he said, as his eye gave an involuntary twitch. "I think my brain cells are just about gone…"

"Oh, Kaoru-dono's not that bad," he replied.

"Kenshin, how many times has Kaoru hit you over the head?" Kenshin's eye also twitched.

"Don't dig in too deep, kid," he replied, suddenly adapting a gangster tone.

"PLEASE!"

"No, go away." Yahiko fumed and stalked off.

"Ahh, it's just me and you now," Kenshin said happily to the laundry tub. He gleefully began scrubbing Sano's dirty socks.

As Kenshin scrubbed Kami knows what out of Sano's socks, the water suddenly began to bubble.

"Oro?" he said as he looked at it, not thinking it was hot at all. In a loud VOOSH a huge swirl of water erupted out of the tub, soaking the poorly placed rurouni. "ORO??"

A beautiful ancient Goddess twirled above Kenshin with an amused look on her pale face. She twirled to a stop, her back facing Kenshin.

"Huh? Where'd he go?" she said as she looked around. She looked behind her and saw Kenshin.

"Oro?" was all he could say as he stared bug eyed.

"Ahh, the young rurouni! My most loyal subject!" she said in a bubbly voice. She grimaced, then coughed, causing bubbles to erupt out of her mouth. "Ugh, go easy on the detergent."

"Now," her voice became silky once more. "I have come from the depths of the land of Tide, Downy, and snuggly softness to grant thee one wish. What is it you desire, my most dutiful little Whirlpool?" Kenshin still stared bug eyed, gripping Sano's socks that were still in his hand tightly.

"ORO?!" he cried out. She arched her eyebrows as she looked at him perplexedly.

"Hm, 'oro'?" she said, putting her finger to her chin in a thoughtful matter, "I've never heard that wish before. Oh well, what the heck. I grant thee wish!!" With a flick of her wrist delicate flakes of detergent floated out of her hand onto the red head's head. They sparkled and shimmered (making his hair squeaky clean) then poofed into nothing.

"Fare thee well!!" she exclaimed as, with another VOOSH, she sank back into the laundry tub. Kenshin could only keep staring at his favorite wooden object, almost ripping Sano's socks in half.

"Oro!" he exclaimed, noticing the horribly wrenched socks. Sano would be furious. He inched towards the tub, unsheathing his sakabatou and prodding it nervously. Would the strange fairy lady come back out?

After a few minutes of watching the weathered wooden tub, he simply decided that it had all been a hallucination in the hot sun. He happily started scrubbing when he felt someone watching him. He turned and saw a very drunk Sano.

"Oh hello Sano," he said, or, at least that's what he _thought_ he said. Instead, he heard the words "Oro, oro oro-ro," coming out of his mouth. He quickly clapped his hands over his mouth, his eyes widening. He tried speaking again.

"Oro oro-ro, oro… ORO ORO??!!" He started freaking out. He looked at Sano, a desperate look in his eyes.

"Oi, Kenshin," Sano said sluggishly, his eyebrow rising, "Stop saying 'oro,' or… or I'm gonna give ya a reason to… oro…" He drifted off, his eyes glazing over. Before Kenshin could try to answer, Kaoru walked towards them, Yahiko slinging on her bokken in an unconscious daze.

"Ugh," she scowled, "Sano! You're drunk… again!!"

"Yeah… watcha to ya, jou-chan…?" he replied as he flapped his arm around, which was still holding a half empty (kie-san: or half full…) jug of sake. Kaoru snatched it out of his hands, taking advantage of the hindering effects of sake.

"OI!" Sano shouted as he flopped towards the jug, catching Kaoru off guard. He grabbed it quickly and hugged it to his chest, shooting an accusatory glare at her. "Mine!" He started rubbing his cheek against the jug.

"Stupid drunkard…" Kaoru muttered as she turned towards Kenshin. "Kenshin, could you make dinner?"

"Oro-ro," Kenshin nodded happily, forgetting to keep his mouth shut. He quickly snapped it back shut. Kaoru raised her eyebrow at him skeptically.

"Um, okay…" she began walking past him, and Kenshin couldn't help looking at Yahiko, who now had a stream of drool coming out of his mouth. "Call me when it's done, 'kay?" Kenshin nodded at her disappearing figure, turning back to Sano who was sleeping in a drunken sleep, hugging his sake possessively. Kenshin just sighed, then walked to the kitchen.

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Authoresses' note (kie-san: whoa, that's a lot of 's's):

Kie-san: Hm, it gets better later… I think…

Aku-chan: coookiieeesss….

Kie-san: Aku-chan came up with it, I just type. -watches as Aku-chan munch- GIMME!!

Aku-chan: NOoOOOo!! MINE!! -pulls pot out of sister's reach-

Kie-san: Hn, just review!!

Aku-chan: Cookie! I mean… REVIEW!!

Kie-san: Ano, don't flame us, de gozaru. C/C welcome, tho'!

Aku-chan: Flame us and I'll shave your eyebrows off in your sleep.

Kie-san: o.O Forgive my sister, she's -special-.


	2. Chapter 2

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Chapter 2: ME LOVES YOU!

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As Kenshin made lunch (kie-san: I know we said dinner in the last chapter, but we changed our minds! Live with it!) he pondered his predicament.

He could not communicate.

At all.

After all, what the hell did "oro" mean anyway?

It was a random sound effect his shishou made when he was drunk!

He could try writing, but his handwriting was illegible! Even worse than Watsuki's!

Damn his master.

_A swordsman who can write well is a girly man. Don't be a girly man!_ (aku-chan: Arnold Schwarzzeneger's actually Hiko's descendant!)

"Kenshin?" a small voice interrupted his thoughts. He turned to see Kaoru standing at the doorway, looking unusually shy.

"Oro?" Kenshin said, deeming the word appropriate for the situation.

"I-I know you've been through a lot…. a-as Hitokiri Battousai and all…" she said nervously, twiddling her thumbs. "B-but we've been living together for a long time now… and I've realized…" She looked at Kenshin, approaching with newfound determination, her face flushed with emotion. "I LOVE YOU!"

A strange wave of uneasy silence washed over both of them.

_Cricket-cricket…_

"Oro?" Kenshin finally managed, his eyes bugging out.

"K-Kenshin… please," she begged quietly, her eyes filling with tears. "Say something…"

"…oro…" Kenshin eeped. Kaoru gave him a desperate look.

"No… Ken…shin…" She wavered, swaying slightly. "I think I'm gonna faint… Catch… meeeee…" She fell, as if in slow motion, but Kenshin, still paralyzed by her declaration, found he couldn't move.

_Thump._

She landed on the packed dirt floor, flat on her face.

Seconds ticked by, and soon she regained consciousness, Kenshin still frozen by the counter.

"_Keeennnshinnn…._" A familiarly ominous voice hissed. Hitting her head must've woken the other Kaoru! (Kenshin swore she was a schizo just like him).

"Oro?" he squeaked. She was up with god like speed that challenged even him, surprising him out of his wits.

"IDECLAREMYLOVEFORYOUANDALLYOUCANSAYIS(-BLEEEP-)IN'ORO?" She screamed at the top of her lungs, making all the birds in the surrounding area fly off in fear. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!"

"Oro-ro oro oro-ro!" Kenshin tried to explain, but this just seemed to fuel Kaoru's rage more.

"STOP. SAYING. THAT. WORD." She hissed, her eyes burning and her hair standing on end. "OR. I. WILL. PERSONALLY BURN THAT (-BEEP-) LAUNDRY TUB."

"OROOOOO!" Kenshin screamed in horror, as he bolted out of the kitchen, until Kaoru caught his leg.

"No! Wait! Kenshin!" She yelled frantically, her eyes welling with tears again. "I didn't mean it!"

"Oro?"

"I told you to stop saying that (-bleeeeep-)ing word, rurouni," she hissed, her eyes shifting into a different shade of blue.

"Leave him alone! Kenshin's just troubled!" she retorted to herself, her eyes changing colors again.

"Like heck he is!"

"You just can't understand him!"

"I understand (-bleep-)ing enough about his life to (-bleeep-)ing know that ten years is long enough to brood on past (-beeeep-)ing crimes! MOVE ON!"

"Don't talk to Kenshin like that! He's very sensitive!"

"He sleeps with a (-bleep-)ing teddy bear! That's too (-bleep-)ing sensitive! He's such a girly man!"

"ORO-RO!" Kenshin's eyes were practically popping out of his head as he thrashed his leg around and escaped the demon clutches of Kaoru/Evil Tanuki. He ran away, screaming for help ("oro roor orororo ro!").

"No! Kenshin! Don't wander away! Don't leeeaaveee meeee!"

"Yeah, that's right! Run you (-beeeeep-)ing (-beep-) before I catch your sorry (-bleeeep-)!"

And that's how Kaoru's schizophrenia became apparent to the red head.

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Authoresses note:

Kie-san: O.O

Aku-chan: O.o

Kie-san: (-dies from heart attack-)

Aku-chan: (-brings her back to life with tensaiga-) I stole this from Sesshy-kun! (for those of you who don't watch InuYasha, this will be confusing).

Kie-san: HOLY CRAP! FOUR REVIEWS!

Aku-chan: You people liked this?

Kie-san: WE LOVE YOU!

**Reviewer Responses:**

**Valorama:** REALLY? Thank you!

**Anime Shark:** We reap! A very very dangerous combination, which will be proven next chapter!

**Maru-kun:** We made you laugh! Good! Our work here is done.

Aku-chan: No it's not, this fic isn't finished.

Kie-san: Oh… right… (-kenshin grin-)

**Burnt Up Old Sausage:**

Aku-chan: That's a great name!

Kie-san: You read our other fic! For which we had no reviews! (Except for one, which was a flamer from a guy that hadn't even read the story because he just wanted to yell at Aku-chan for flaming him.). AND YOU LIKED IT! You, my friend, are a nine on the Super Special Insanity Scale For Wierdos! Congratulations!

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Kie-san: That was a short chapter, but this is a humor fic so I think we can get away with it.

Aku-chan: Feh, whatever.

Kie-san: BTW, I would have Kaoru cussing Kenshin out, but this fic is rated 'PG', soooo... (-Bleep-) it is!

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REVIEWREVIEWREVIEWREVIEWREVIEWREVIEWREVIEWREVIEW…

Aku-chan: SHUT UP, KIE-SAN!

Kie-san: Heh…


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Himura Kenshin was an unlucky man.

Of course, no one could deny that. In the time span of less than a year he had been attacked by homicidal maniacs, egotists, mentally unbalanced swordsmen, crispy mentally unbalanced swordsmen, creepy revenge freaks, wierdos, random police men, Kaoru, (aku-chan: -whacks kie-san- I think they get the point. Kie-san: heh heh…).

But it was only until know that Kenshin really considering himself unlucky.

Why, you might ask?

Simple, allow the rurouni to explain with the help of these handy and convenient diagrams.

Kenshin pulled out large cue cards from his gi (a.k.a. void of large and random objects, including radishes), in which the following things were listed:

Kenshin was often feared and misunderstood. They should all realize that he was RETIRED, DAMMIT! (Kenshin, realizing that Battousai was 85 in control, promptly hit himself with his shoe and continued the presentation).

Kaoru's dark side (-shifty eyes-) had been released and was out for rurouni blood.

His once favorite word had been turned into the catchphrase from hell.

There was a rabid monkey hunting him.

Now, (Kenshin put the cards back in his magenta gi) you may be wondering what rabid monkey Kenshin was referring to. Of course, there was only one monkey currently residing in the Kamiya Kasshin Dojo, and his name was Myoujin Yahiko.

With the release of Black-Kaoru her random acts of violence had tripled and Yahiko was convinced that he was destined to learn the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu and was currently stalking Kenshin in a disturbing manner, asking "please?" every time he could. The cursed monkey popped up everywhere: in the bath (through the toilet), in the garden (through a carrot), in the training hall (through the sakabatou), in Kenshin's room (through a hole in the ground), and in the sacred laundry area (THROUGH THE TUB! THE _HOOORROOOR!_).

"Please?" a small voice said. Kenshin jumped in surprise, realizing that Yahiko had once again popped up from inside his gi.

Kenshin: O.o

"OOROROOOOOROOO!" Kenshin wailed, ripping Yahiko off of him and running for cover into the kitchen (aku-chan: he's gonna come in through the food dispenser…). He stood there, his eyes wide and heart pumping as sweat ran down his face.

"Oi, Battousai!" another voice appeared, making the already jumpy rurouni jolt with surprise. He looked to the side, where there was none other than Yukishiro Enishi looking at him with utmost seriousness.

"Oro!" Kenshin eeped, wondering what on earth Enishi wanted _now_. Enishi looked around nervously, checking for anyone that may be listening, then walked up to Kenshin and leaned in.

"Battousai…" he whispered, "I… need… help…" He hung his head in shame.

"Oro?"

"Read this," Enishi grumbled, shoving a small book into Kenshin's hands. Kenshin looked down at the book, reading the title: InuYasha, Volume 5.

"Oro?"

"See, see!" Enishi said excitedly taking back the book, flipping through the pages and pointing one specific page out to Kenshin. "I found a way to bring my Nee-chan back!" Kenshin looked down to see the picture of a horribly disfigured witch, standing above what looked like a big human shaped clay shell thingy.

Enishi grinned at Kenshin's disturbed expression on seeing the freaky witch lady person… thing, "Doesn't she look funny? She looks just like Nee-chan did every morning before she got her waffles…" Enishi stopped, a look of dread descending on his face. "Nee-chan, why aren't you smiling…?"

"Oro-ro," Kenshin muttered, seeing this whole thing as irrelevant.

"This witch lady person thing brought this priestess lady person thing by making her a body out of clay! SO, I thought, why shouldn't I try the same thing with Nee-chan?" Kenshin gave him the weirdest look ever, but Enishi seemed unfazed as he reached into his pocket. "But… this is all I could manage." He brought out what looked like a crispy disfigured gingerbread man, complete with gumdrop buttons. He looked at it fondly, as if secretly indulging in his amazing baking skills. "Nee-chan says she doesn't want to be crispy (even though I like it), so she said to come to you because she said you once put an Iron Chef to shame and making a big human shaped clay shell thingy would be no problem. 'Course I didn't want to come but…" He trailed off, looking disgruntled.

Before Kenshin could respond, however, someone stumbled into the kitchen loudly and made both Kenshin and Enishi yelp with surprise.

"Oi, Kenshin!" Sano yelled, pressing his temples with one hand. "I've got a hangover the size of Neptune and I'M HUNGRY! GET ME SOME COFFEE!"

A strange silence permeated the kitchen as Sano noticed the other man standing there. Kenshin feared the worst, knowing how much Sano hated Enishi.

Sano's eyes got wide and he said suddenly, "Is that a gingerbread man!" Before Enishi could react/answer Sano had lunged forward and ripped the gingerbread man/Nee-chan out of Enishi's hand. With one gruesome chomp, crumbs spilling everywhere, Sanosuke quickly beheaded the small, defenseless cookie, munching with his mouth wide open so all the gore was visible.

Kenshin: Oro… (crap…)

Enishi's eyes widened in horror as his heart beat loudly in his chest.

"NEEEEEE-CHAAAAAANNN!" He collapsed onto his knees, but quickly ended his mourning of his lost sister (again) as he got up and pointed at Sanosuke with an accusing finger. "I DECLARE MY JINCHUU ON YOUUUUU!" Leaving Sanosuke (who was still happily munching on the remains of "Tomoe") and Kenshin, standing with a rather perplexed look, he fled from the kitchen away to his mansion to plot another fiendish revenge.

"Who was that?" Sano asked, nonplussed. He shrugged and tossed the remains of the cookie into his mouth. Kenshin, meanwhile, had a look of horror on his face with the thought of facing another Jinchuu.

"ORO! (-BLEEP!-)" he yelled.

"Please?" Yahiko squeaked, popping out from under the floor boards.

_Twitch._

"Kenshin! WHERE ARE YOU?" Kaoru also crashed into the kitchen, looking as furious as ever.

_Twitch twitch._

"Kenshin! Fooood!" Sano whined.

_Spaz._

Something finally snapped in the rurouni's head, "Oro.. oro… oro-ro..! oro! oOROo! ORororoRORO! OROOROROOOROOORO! ORO!"

"LOOK OUT!" Yahiko yelled, ducking for cover. "HE'S GONNA BLOW!" In a flurry of sparks and red hair, Kenshin's head spun around in a similar fashion to a malfunctioning robot (or a malfunctioning Soujiro), then, just as everyone had ducked behind Sanosuke (who was still processing what was happening), a large BOOM erupted in the kitchen.

Kenshin was left on the floor, covered in soot and dust with sparks still coming out of his head.

"I think we should call Megumi…" Kaoru mused, looking at Kenshin with slight interest and poking him with a bokken. Yahiko nodded in surprise.

"HE'S GONNA BLOW!" Sano yelled in a delayed reaction.

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Kie-san: (-hides-)

Aku-chan: (-hides too-) (-whispers-) What are we hiding from?

Kie-san: O.o From our reviewers! They're _weiiiiird!_

Aku-chan: Oh… I thought we were hiding from Sesshy-kun, since we stole his sword…

Kie-san: -.-' _You_ stole his sword.

Aku-chan: I don't get why he's so ticked, he hates the tensaiga! He doesn't even use the stupid thing!

Sesshy-kun: (-appears behind authoresses-) This Sesshoumaru will kill you now…

Kie-san and Aku-chan: EEP! (-run away-)

Sesshy-kun: (-follows, but is stopped when realizes he's tied up with a leash-) O.o

Kie-san: Good doggy! (-tries to pet Sesshy-kun, but stops when he almost bites her head off-) Oro…

Aku-chan: Let's just get to the reviews…

**Reviewer Responses:**

**Burnt Up Old Sausage:** Kie-san: You're still here? (-grin!-) Yep, it's kinda sad when you think about it, but it's okay to torture Ken-chan in a humor fic! (Kenshin: (-DEATH GLARE FROM HADES!-) Oro-ro oro…)

**Maru-kun:** Kie-san: My friend, you have a problem, please realize that. Aku-chan realized she had an addiction to shrimp, and is now on the road to recovery (Aku-chan: (-munches on shrimp-)). I don't know if we'll be able to fit Saitou into this fic, but stick around for some more Kenshin torture if you want! (Kenshin: (-sob sob-)). Aku-chan: We haven't had a chance to check out your fic, but will soon!

**Elizabeth:** Really? We're hyper too! COOL WHIP!

**Flame Youkai:** Aku-chan: Yes, yes we will (grin!).

**Viper (the strange):** Kie-san: (-to Aku-chan-) See what I mean? Our reviewers are weird! Aku-chan: (-grabs Sesshy-kun's leash-) Nya nya! (Sesshy-kun: (-grrr-) (-grumbles something that will not be written since this fic is rated PG-))

**AnimeShark:** Aku-chan: Ha ha! …I don't get it…O.o Kie-san: Thanks!

**HellsfuryGumi:** Aku-chan: Errr, LOOK! IT'S SNOWING!

**Valaroma:** Kie-san: Yah, but Kenshin has to put up with a _lot_ more than maniacs. Poor poor Ken-chan… (-grins!-)

**Enchanted Sleeper:** Thank youu! Yah, we do too (Aku-chan: no we don't, we're the ones writing this crap!)

**MouseGirlL:** Aku-chan: We did it! And thank you, de gozaru!

Kie-san: To all you reading this, (-sob!-) arigato!

Aku-chan: Brown noser…

Kie-san: (-grin!-)

PLEASE CHECK OUT OUR OTHER HUMOR FIC, _ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO_! WHAT HAPPENS WHEN KENSHIN, SANO, AND YAHIKO GET TRANSPORTED TO MODERN TIME MEXICO? STUFF!

Aku-chan: (-slump!-) We're done!

Kie-san: Leave a review or Aku-chan will shave off your eyebrows!

….seriously, she will O.o


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